Self-help
SESSION TWO: ON HELPFUL AND UNHELPFUL WORRY
Session Two: On Worry
Prepared by Nicole Carter, MSW, RSW
Please do not copy or distribute this material without permission.
The Nature of Worry
Worry can best be understood on a spectrum; some of us worry very little, and some of us worry a lot - perhaps even every day, for most of the day. Some of us might worry even when there isn’t a reasonable reason to worry (for example, we might worry that we will be late for an appointment even though we left enough time to arrive early, or that we made the wrong purchase despite completing a large amount of pre-purchase research, or that we will develop a fatal illness even though we are currently quite healthy). For some of us, worry can demand a lot of brain space on a daily basis, leading to feelings of restlessness, irritability, or sleep difficulties. During a global crisis such as COVID-19, some of us might find ourselves worrying more than what’s usual for us.
What is Worry?
I once read worry described as “scenario building,” which I thought was a wonderful way to describe it. Worry is a cognitive, emotional, and behavioural event that often has the following features:
Future-oriented and based on catastrophic themes
Based on worst-case scenarios
Can be thought-based or image-based
Can exist despite little evidence for the feared event(s) coming true
Based on the assumption that things will turn out badly and we will not be able to cope
What Does Worry Feel Like?
People who worry a lot might experience some or all of the following:
Anxious feelings and sensations (shakiness, lightheadedness, sweating, GI symptoms, increased heart rate, shallow or fast breathing, and so on)
Feeling restless, fidgety, “keyed up,” or irritable
Trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep
Muscle tightness or pain
Feeling tired a lot of the time
What Does Worry Look Like?
When we worry, we might engage in some or all of the following behaviours:
A lot of researching, planning, and preparing - sometimes at the expense of joyfulness
Checking things often or checking in with loved ones a lot to ensure they’re okay
Difficulty delegating or allowing others to be in control of tasks or situations
Making lots of to-do lists, study plans, etc (they can sometimes become quite colourful and extravagant!)
Perfectionistic (or procrastination) behaviours
Difficulty making decisions - especially quickly
Living very strictly by the rules or ‘by the book’
“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
- Mark Twain
Defining Your Worry
The extent to which one worries, its impacts, and the content of one’s worry can vary from person to person. Consider the below questions that can help define your personal style of worrying:
Is all Worry Unhelpful?
Not all worry is unhelpful or maladaptive. Some worry helps us problem solve real, current concerns that require solutions. Generally speaking, unhelpful worry is worry that feels uncontrollable, is often built around hypothetical concerns, and doesn’t lead us towards any clear steps towards problem solving.
Hypothetical vs. Current Problems
Examples of current problems could include:
I have been let go from my job
My pet is critically ill
I don’t know how I will make my rent or mortgage payment this month
A forest fire is threatening my home and community
I have an important presentation in a couple of days that I have not prepared for
My daughter is running a high fever
My friend told me that he is upset with me
Examples of hypothetical problems could include:
What if I, a close friend, or family member becomes ill with cancer?
What if my partner loses their job and we lose our home or apartment?
What if I don’t get my credits and therefore don’t graduate?
What if I never stop feeling this way?
What if there are other, more severe viruses coming?
What if I get into a car accident in the rain on the way to the cottage?
Worry: The Myth of Problem Solving
Worrying can sometimes be thought of us as the brain’s myth of problem-solving. Because our brain wants to solve perceived problems, it will create worry like a hamster running on its wheel, generating a false sense of mastery without allowing us to really get anywhere. We can think of unhelpful worry like a road trip to nowhere: the more we worry, the closer we might feel to the destination when in actuality, the destination might actually be getting further and further away.
Myths About the Usefulness of Worrying
Consider the following five myths about the perceived helpfulness of worrying, and consider why each one might be a myth. Beliefs such as these can help contribute to an intolerance of uncertainty, and increased worry and anxiety. (Dugas)
Do I worry about the same as, more, or less than the average person?
Does my worry feel controllable or uncontrollable?
Does my worry amplify joy or does it get in the way of experiencing joy?
Does my worry help me complete tasks efficiently or does it get in the way of getting things done in a timely way?
Do others think I worry very little or would they say that I worry too much? Has anyone ever called me a “worrywart”?
Does my worry provide clear steps towards problem solving or does it make it difficult to engage in problem solving?
“Worrying helps me to be prepared and to solve problems.”
“If I didn’t worry, I would be less motivated.”
“Worrying shows that I am a caring person.”
“Worrying protects me from experiencing unpleasant feelings later.”
“Worrying prevents bad things from happening.”
Why Are These Myths?
Consider someone who you admire and who seems to worry very little. Are people who worry less necessarily less motivated? Less caring? Less skilled at solving problems or being prepared? Can bad things actually be prevented by worrying, or will bad things happen despite us worrying about them? Does worrying really prevent us from experiencing negative feelings, or might it strip us of joy and prolong or worsen those feelings in the long run?
Research shows that worrying can actually inhibit a lot of these skills and goals, even though they can make us feel more prepared, caring, motivated, and so on.
Self-help Exercises
Schedule a worry time. I know this sounds silly, but give it a try - it can be really helpful. Choose a time of day that would lend itself to 15 minutes of free time, free of distractions, when you can deliberately engage in worrying. If you notice yourself worrying during the day outside of your worry time, remind yourself that you will come back to it during your scheduled worry time. What people sometimes find is that when the time comes to worry, it can actually be quite difficult to fill the full 15 minutes with worry!
Define your worry. Define your worry throughout the day in terms of controllability (is my worry getting excessive and difficult to control?), necessity (is my worry about a current problem that I need to be solving right now?), and helpfulness (is my worry serving me in a helpful way? Is it helping define steps towards solving a problem?)
Consider engaging in “worry work.” In one column, write down specific things you’re worrying about, and in another column, write down possible steps towards problem solving each worry. If it’s difficult to generate clear steps towards problem solving, it can be a sign that the worry might not be serving you in a helpful way.
Current vs. hypothetical worries. Notice when you begin to worry and write your worry thoughts down. Draw a line where they start to go from “current” to “hypothetical.” You might notice that the very first worry is hypothetical, or that your worries might turn hypothetical somewhere along the worry spiral. Once you practice this strategy a few times, it can become easier to stop the worry spiral in your mind before your thoughts become too hypothetical, inaccurate, or unhelpful.